All this time we've been missing a huge hunk of real estate–Russia. It was very backwards. It had been unlucky in the Middle Ages and had been conquered by the army of Genghis Khan. Genghis never got the rest of Europe cuz his scouts said it wasn't worth the effort–there was nothing there. So Russia was under the big eastern Mongol influence, and all the culture was growing in the West. Russia had no trade or contact with the outside world. The Renaissance completely passed Russia by.
There were lots of rulers of Russia but few need to be mentioned. One of the ones you learned about as a kid was Ivan the Dread (we called him "terrible" which was a mistake on our part. His official name was Ivan IV Vasilyevich. He was a man to be dreaded but he was no worse than all the other rulers of Russia.). He was like a juvenile delinquent czar. He didn't stand out it Russian history cuz he was like all the others. Czars were dreaded cuz of their great tyrannical power, not cuz they were especially maliciously evil. When he was a kid, he liked to drive through the streets and flick people with his whip. (Czar, or Tsar, is the Russian word for Caesar–their only claim to civilization.) He had syphilis when young and went insane towards the end. (That happens with Venereal Diseases lots. That should teach all you boys and girls to keep it clean out there!!) He massacred whole towns cuz he thought they were plotting against him. He killed his oldest son in a fit of rage and then went through great remorse. He is only mentioned cuz he began the eastward expansion through Mongolia to Siberia (who'd want to go there, I don't know–but to the Russians it was progress). He started the Cossacks which were similar to the American cowboys. They were the big cavalry force of his troops. It was said that if you saw a man naked, drunk, and sleeping in the middle of the street, he was a Cossack. (Ivan ruled from 1533 to 1584, in case you want to place him in time.)
The next ruler worth mentioning was Peter the Great (Peter I). He came to power in 1682 and ruled until his death in 1725. He was in power in 1689, during the Glorious Revolution of England. He became czar at 10. He wasn't educated but he was neat compared to the rest of the czars. He was 6'8" tall and terrified of mice and cockroaches. He ate and drank lots. He had 3 things he wished to accomplish during his reign: 1. Get a warm water port on the Baltic Sea. Russia only had ports which froze during the winter at this time. 2. He wanted to become absolute ruler. 3. He wanted to Europeanize Russia. As a child, he had played with the kids of foreign diplomats and found out how backwards Russia was. He left Russia and traveled incognito (how do you disguise someone that tall??) Through Europe trying to pick up some class and culture. He even worked in a Dutch shipyard to learn how to build boats. He went home cuz some Russians were trying to revolt. He attacked Sweden to get a port. That was a mistake cuz the Swedes really put it to him. Eventually, with lots of luck, he got a little strip of land and built a new capital on it. It was modestly named after himself, St. Petersburg. He did become absolute, with no other claims to the throne. But as for modernizing Russia . . . well, he did order women out of seclusion and told them to have cocktail parties like Europeans. They'd been living like women in the Far East with veils and junk. He put a tax on beards so men would shave like men in Europe did. By the way, Romanov is the family name of the czars of Russia from 1613-1917 (the year of the Russian Revolution). [The name comes from the family name of Ivan the Terrible's wife, Czarina Anastasia Romanovna–the first Romanov czar is Michael (who was Anastasia Romanovna's great nephew by my count) in 1613.]
Since we're talking about people who need to pull it together, let's hit Germany. Germany was a masterpiece of chaos and confusion. There were 300 different little countries in the area, all supposedly in the Holy Roman Empire, but no one had central control. If they're going to do anything, they have to get together. It was hope the Habsburgs could maybe get unity, but they weren't working on it hard. There was another big family, the Hohenzollern family up in Brandenburg–Prussia in north-central Germany. They are on the rise. Hohenzollern is the name of the ruling family of Prussia–they will eventually unite Germany and rule until the end of World War I. [The Hohenzollern family originated as a family of counts in an area then called Swabia in the 11th or 12th Century–the name "Hohenzollern" comes from the name of the ancestral castle in Swabia, Zollern.]
Prussia was first noticed during the 30 Years War between France and England. Frederick William the Great Elector (they don't have kings yet–he was Elector of Brandenburg but was called "The Great Elector") built a big army so people would quit marching through his country and go around instead. To make the army, he had high taxes, but he also had progressive policies. He drained the swamps for farms and allowed in foreigners, especially those persecuted for religion. He gave tax exemptions for a while, until the foreigners got settled in. However, he didn't tolerate the Jews (they can't catch a break!). Frederick William the Great Elector ruled from 1640 to 1688
The next biggie in Prussia was Frederick William I who was king of Prussia from 1713 to 1740. He was eccentric, coarse, despotic, and miserly. He loved beer, hunting, and tobacco. He continued to build the army. By his death, Prussia was the 13th largest state with the 4th largest army in Europe. He had the best drilled army in Europe. He had one group (2500) of troops that were over 7 feet tall cuz he thought that was neat. Being tall wasn't terribly practical as a soldier anymore. When you used to fight with spears, it could be an advantage cuz your arms were longer, but not there are guns and taller folks just make a bigger targets. He had a son who was a great disappointment to him.
His son was Frederick II (will be known as Frederick the Great). He was more refined than his dad. He didn't like beer or hunting. He liked art, literature, philosophy, and music (no, not polkas–he played the flute). He hated military stuff and economics which were things he needed to run the country. He seemed like a sissy to his father. He wanted to escape the country and ran off with a soldier friend but they were caught at the border. His dad threw him in jail and forced him to watch while his friend was killed. Eventually, he decided to outlive the old man. He started to study the military and economic junk and found out it wasn't so bad. In 1740, he became king of Prussia. He fired the giant soldiers and hired 10,000 troops in their place. He had a great army. His dad never fought a war cuz he didn't want to waste any soldiers. He rules from 1740 to 1786.
The King of Austria/Holy Roman Emperor was having troubles. He had no son and was going to die soon. All he had was a daughter and there was no history of queens ruling the country. He was trying to guarantee her easy succession by bribing other kings of Europe with a document they signed for a fee to not bother her when she became queen of Austria. She was Maria Theresa. She rules from 1740 to 1780. Frederick the Great signed the document, but in the winter he took the province of Silesia, which was the industrial part of Austria. Nobody fought in the winter and it was easy to take, but come spring can he hold it? Maria Theresa took her army to push him out. Frederick the Great and his army were, as yet, untested. He thought he'd lost in the middle of the battle and ran and hid in a flour mill but his troops won (he never ran away again!). This was the beginning of the War of Austrian Succession (which lasted from 1740 to 1748). The rest of Europe thought Austria was going down the tubes and they wanted a piece of the action, too. So they all joined Frederick the Great of Prussia against Austria. England joined Austria cuz France had joined Prussia. England and France are going to be enemies for a long time from now on. Everybody fought for 7 years and it ended in a draw. Frederick the Great got to keep Silesia, Maria Theresa got to keep Austria, and everything else returned to the status quo (things as they were before the war).
Everywhere there were French and English colonies, the war was fought there too. Including America and India. The colonists in America sure didn't like giving back the French fort of Louisburg they'd captured. But things weren't settled and everybody began cranking up for a new war. This time everybody changed sides. France and Russia joined Austria against England and Prussia. This was called the 7 Years' War (or French and Indian War, which took place 1754-1763, in the North American colonies). The 7 Years' War ran from 1756 to 1763. Frederick the Great saw the war coming and struck first. He had to prevent the French, Austrians, and Russians from getting together or they'd wipe him out. So he fought little wars with each of them. But he was running out of troops. He took prisoners out for his last big army. England, his ally, sent him money (big deal!). England was using the war to destroy the French navy and capture Canada. Frederick the Great would have lost but he got lucky. The Czarina of Russia died leaving a dip named Peter III in her place. Anyway, he wasn't all there. He liked playing toy soldiers and Frederick the Great had always been his hero so he pulled Russia out and turned his troops over to Frederick the Great. (Must be confusing for the troops–one day you're fighting against Prussia, the next day you're fighting for them.) The end result of the war was the Frederick the Great still got to keep Silesia.
After the war, Frederick the Great became an Enlightened Despot. That's somebody who runs the country absolutely but does it for the good of the people. He was educated and could tell people good stuff to do. He abolished torture as a means of gaining evidence for trial. He had religious tolerance of all "sensible" religions (excluding Jews). He encouraged new settlers. He worked hard at being king. None of his successors were as good. As for religion, he stated: "The finite cannot comprehend the infinite . . ." He dies in 1786.